There are days (or moments) that truly test ones strength. With Rhonda being sick those moments are coming more and more frequently. I'm in a tough situation. I have to be strong for my husband, my children, our family and for the employees. Although being strong comes on so many different levels, cancer really tests each level, tries to break you when you're least expecting it...one of the toughest things for me lately is trying to keep my tears in check. Mike stopped by tonight and it breaks my heart to see him so warn out; he's such an amazing man, and to be trying to keep Rhonda comfortable or busy enough to ignore the nausea or pain 24-7 has got to be hard. He sat in the recliner for 1/2 an hour with both my kids curled up in his lap, fresh out of the bath and ready for bed, just loving on them. He was saying how Rhonda had such a bad weekend and her arm is hurting her so bad that the meds aren't even helping. In all my years of knowing Rhonda only just now has she resorted to the pain meds. I can't imagine dealing with it day in and day out without them, only to finally give in and have them not help. Tonight was a truly testing moment, no tears, for my husband, my kids, and for Mike.
I made it through, just like I always do. But I can't help but wonder, when do I get to cry? When do I get to have my moment to let it all out? Who's strength will I be testing when I do?