missing her

Lately, I have found myself missing Rhonda. This isn't uncommon for me, or any of us; random things will remind us of her and then the ball just seems to roll. I'm not sure what has triggered it, it could be a lot of things; accomplishments at school for Cadynce, my kids growing, birthdays, new babies, stress at work, baseball season.
What I do know, is that missing her makes me remember why it was/is so hard for me. My mom and I aren't close. Never have been, probably never will be. We dont' have that mother-daughter bond. Growing up, I can remember seeing my girlfriends with their moms and how close they were, wondering what it would be like, wondering how it would feel to want your mom to go prom dress shopping with you and to be there when you got ready, rather than feeling the extreme opposite. I got used to it, and it was never really a big deal. Until now. Now, I have a little girl, and find that I worry that I wont have that bond with her because I was never raised that way... is something missing? Will I figure it out?

I know this is why I never wanted a girl. (not that I don't love her to pieces.) I don't want our lives to be that way. I want to have an open and loving relationship. I want (need) her to want me with her when she goes dress shopping and to value my opinion. Even though I dread taking her, I still want to be wanted.

Anyhoo, I guess Rhonda just made me feel like I had that mom, for a while anyways...